Living the Bible Way part 1

I grew up in the UPC, United Pentecostal Church. I remember growing up was being uncomfortable in my stockings and dresses and shoes.  I remember rules but no explanation except "the bible says". I dont know if thats just how it used to be in this denomination, just the string of churches, or with my parents.  But I do know that God stuck with me.  I always knew that God was the only way for me.  But when my parents divorced and backslid...I followed.  Of course I did, I was a new teenager.  With no Godly direction and all the influence of the world in my face, God was far behind in my mind. He was actually in front of me the whole time and it just took a while to see it. 

The neightbor kids were "cool".  They skipped school, they drank, smoked and had sex.  I wanted to try everything they did.  6 mths of this and I got pregnant.  I was 15.  I wish I would have stopped and smelled the roses that God was sending me then.  I lost majority of my friends and the only ones I seemed to make were Christian girls.  I occasionally went to a youth group.  I still believed and thought that was enough.  But I let it get to me again.  Love was the influence.  I truly, to this day admit, I was in love.  But he fell in love with money and fun.  The higher he got the more I got hurt.  The infidelity, the abuse, and the drugs were a bad nightmare for me.  When he was home and high I got high with him, in hopes that he would love me back.  I finally got the guts to call it quits after getting pregnant with my 2nd daughter.  But I was in search for love.

I still never took the whole opportunity to go after God even when he was right in my face.  I started going to church with a friend who never seemed to give up on me.  But at that time I felt like the love of a real man would serve me better.  I was determined to figure it out on my own.  Big mistake.

Soon I was pregnant with a 3rd and hopeful.  When she was about a yr old I decided it was time to go back to church.  It was then that I realized you have to search for God and he will show you exactly who he is.  But I was miserable. And boy I had no idea what was about to happen.  I wont go into detail but God went back on the back burner and life went haywire.  Depressed and feeling alone I just stopped God.  But truth be told I always knew he was still there.  I struggled with things in my past feeling as though God would never send me to heaven. 

During all this I had the opportunity to go to the D.C area.  We had some old family friends there and their daughter was getting married.  They are pastors.  One day the pastor sat me down and said I have a word from God.  He read Psalms 149:4.  He translated it to me that God doesnt care what it is that I think will never be forgiven for.  He has forgiven me.  WOW!!!  Powerful.  For a few weeks I was on air.  But I slowly in what I feel was the lowest point in my life, fell back into the arms of the devil.

I finally got to move forward with my life and with that came a new attitude.  Things slowly started looking better for me, even when most of what was happening around me wasnt going well.  I started praying and reading my bible.  I started inserting church a little more and then finally after getting married and having another baby, I got back into church.  I have learned that its not about religion and rituals.  Its about a relationship with God, its about devouring the word for yourself.  I am soaking it in.  I am striving to learn all I can.  I am hungry to learn more each day.  And tomorrow I will share my thoughts, confusions, joys, and triumphs.