Frazzled

I feel frazzled.  I have too much on my mind.  I am the master of thinking of great ideas. Unfortunately, I never know how to manage them or make them happen effectively.  Then I let them sit there and I get frustrated when they don't happen.  Sometimes its lack of money, lack of time, or just simply not knowing how to play them out.

I am also ready for school to start.  I always wished I could homeschool, by the end of the summer I know why I couldn't.  Its sad to me but I am simply one of those who was not loaded with a ton of patience. No matter how much I try or pray about it. 

Scheduling has also been an issue.  I guess I am a weird person but doing certain things at certain times doesn't work well with me.  I can only clean in the morning without panicking.  I can only pay bills without people around.  Trust me that's hard with 4 kids. I don't have much of a set schedule during the summer because I want to do things when they pop up, to keep us busy. 

Also, having my husband work crazy long hours does not help the situation.  Summer is busy at the restaurant and he puts in days where sometimes I may only get to see him for an hour at the end of the day.  I need and desperately want him around. He is a much calmer person than me and also can see a situation differently sometimes. 

I wish I had more patience.

Day 11

I GOT UP AT 6 AM!!!  And I did 30 min of pilates!  I am so happy and I feel so good.  Lets hope I can wake up this early everyday.  I will try my hardest.  I will definetly pray about it everyday.  Gonna do a little playground later today.  Healthy feels so good!

Maintaining

Well, I have managed to maintain the 1.5 lb loss.  It has been hard to get excersize in.  But I am proud of myself.  Personally, I know I could try harder. 

I did attempt to wake up early this week. This is a hard one for me.  I am a night owl and never have been a morning person.  These last couple years, I have longed to be a morning person. Since the baby came I have been forced to wake up earlier.  But since he has been in his own room, he has taken to sleeping in most days.  I set my alarm 2 days ago for 6am and it did not go off.  Last night I reset it.  Then I had no sleep and when it went off I went back to sleep.  Shame on me. 

I did get to go on a fast walk the other day.  I did 3 miles.  I also decided when there is not time for excersize because you have kids...just dance.  I turned up the music on the party channel and we rocked out. The baby loved it so much he was cracking up.  When we would put him down he would cry.  This will probably become a daily thing for us.  It lifts your spirits anyways! 

I really want to be healthier and excersize.  I do not want to be a super model.  I just want to feel good and be a reasonable size.  I really need to ask God for help now with persistance, strength, and guidance in this.

I think its important to look good for your husband as well.  It says in the bible that you should take care of yourself.  It keeps the romance a little hotter too. I am lucky though, my husband knows that I try and understands what 4 kids can do to a body. 

So my attempt at being healthy for 100 days is slowly working but needs improvement.

Alcoholism

Have you been affected by alcoholism in any way?  I have, it surrounds me.  My grandparents, my uncles and my father are, or have been, active alcoholics.

My grandmother has been attending AA meetings since I was 2 yrs old.  And she goes to 4 meetings a week or something crazy like that.  She started her recovering process after years of physically fighting with my grandfather and trying to get him help.  I am proud of her for spending so much time dedicating herself to a change.  After decades of drinking, my grandpa also quit.  But just about 5 yrs before he passed away.  My SIL is also a strong woman.  She almost lost her marriage and children, was literally falling apart, and she is now a recovering alcoholic.  She now helps others and encourages them.  She recently started taking classes to become a counselor to help those who have addiction struggles. It is so great to see the good side of what alcoholism can change you to be. 

I struggle with alcoholism myself.  It is truly hereditary.  I had heard that but thought I didnt have a problem.  The frist time I drank was at the young age of 14. I lived in a neighborhood where all the kids were doing it.  Drugs, sex, and alcohol...really.  I wanted to try this "fun" stuff.  I undoubtedly loved it.  But I didnt drink all the time...not right away at least. The older I got the more I drank.  I had my first daughter at 16 and I still drank when I could.  Of course, I thought it was all for fun.  After I turned 21 and I was a single mother of 2, I used the excuse that I deserved me time once a week.  So I went out and drank once a week. To make a long story short, It got to the point where I would black out everytime I drank.  I hated not knowing what I really did and relying on others to tell me. It took a long time but I slowly learned my cut off point.  Then I stopped drinking all the time and kept it for occasional practices only.  There are days when all I think about is a drink.  It makes me realize that even though I have not used this alcoholism to the point where I hurt others, even though I can control it better than most, I am still an alcoholic.  It is a struggle I think I will always face.  I guess being surrounded by alcoholism in its many forms, I will not allow it to take over me!

Then there are the moments that hurt you. Surrounding me are people I consider close loved ones. But they drink and then they say or do things that change your relationship with them.  If you tell them they either play victim, deny it, or make you feel like the guilty one.  What they are saying or doing can ruin families and they dont seem to understand that. My relationships with those that have hurt me will forever be changed.  I may be able to forgive them, because as a Christ follower I should and I will.  I may be able to pray for them or be nice to them. But it will never be the same.  The trust will never be there.  I really should pray about that trust but in some situations that trust can never be regained.  Unless it is solved between both parties and "fixed" whole heartedly with both parties.  Unfortunately in most cases, unless the person(s) get help for their alcoholism, The problem will remain.

How have you been affected?  Are you an alcoholic?  How do you deal with it? 

Big Families

I love big families.  I came from a small one.  Sure I have a huge extended family but my dad was in the Army.  I have one sister who was born 10 yrs after I was.  When I was little I would play pretend all by myself.  My most favorite way to play was to pretend I had 15 brothers and sisters. Sure, I have a great relationship with my sister now, always have.  But we are different points in our lives so I can not always talk with her about everything.  We also live 2300 miles apart.  Let me tell you how lucky I got though.  My dad remarried a few years back and I scored 2 brothers and a sister (who I no longer claim).  With those brothers eventually came SIL's and nieces and nephews.  My former new sister also ended up bringing 6 kids of her own.  Then I married.  I scored big time.  My childhood fantasies have come true.  He had 2 brothers and 2 sisters who were all married and had kiddos.  Thats 6 brothers, 8 sisters (minus 1) total. My husbands family is pretty close.  Every event, small or big, turns out huge in this life.  Even my BIL's wifes family attends these events....makes it that much bigger.  My inlaws did an awesome job of raising them all too.  I enjoy all their company. Oh, did I mention my Mom got remarried too and I got a brother and sister out of that...we really arent close though so it kind of doesnt count.  I am truly blessed to be a part of this big family. We all work together to make sure everyone is okay.  Oh yeah, and the farms and gardens....make for free produce occasionally, free meat occasionally, and free eggs! My new desire to can food can also be met.  My MIL has the supplies and knows how to use em.  Yippy!!!  I am sure I prayed for a big family when I was little because God sure answered. He answers the strangest prayers for me, probably because I used to be one of those "God show me a sign" kind of people.  He definetly has and I thank him everyday.  Christmas can be tough though, 19 nieces and nephews and 2 great nieces.  My sister hasn't even started with kids yet...
On my healthy kick.  I have managed to eat decently.  The last few days have been crazy busy so trying to do anything extra was a little tough.  Dinner last night was pretty good though.  I made sweet potatoes, grapes, and left over corn bread.  I only ate a tiny piece of my cornbread.  I also made ground meat to go on top of the potato(my husband likes meat with every meal)  I ate a little bit of it but made sure only to eat a bite or two of meat.  Not that I am staying away from meat completely, but I would like to keep red meats at a minimum.  Today, I hope to get some excersize in as well.  And tomorrow My husband is going to let me take H to soccer alone so that I can jog for a whole hr!!!!  I havent gained back that 1 lb either.
Well, I have a to do list a mile long so I better get on that. 

Failure

I have been writing about all the great goals I have and being healthy and such.  Now I must write about my failures of those things... : (  Yes, today was great.  Had a cross country date with a great friend to see Eat, Pray, Love.  Wonderful!  We even got to chat on the phone.  Which is rare because we are both mothers to several children and have busy lives.  The kids were pretty well-behaved also.  It is almost 8:30 and I am done eating for the night.  But I failed way too much today.  For starters I forgot to eat before going to the movie so I ate nachos and cheese with coke.  The positive side of that was I got to see a great movie and with my daughter.  I then went home and made 3 batches of cookies. I licked a spoon or two and had several cookies, thankfully not that many. The positive side is that I didnt eat too many and they are for a bake sale at church.  The money goes to help a Haiti missions trip.  Because I dont eat too much sugar already my mouth feels disgusting!!!  So for dinner we ordered pizza. Usually, we get our pizza at Papa Murphys.  It tastes pretty good and has pretty fresh toppings.  Our pizza came from Domino's tonight....bleck.  It was horrible horrible horrible!  I did not eat much of it.   I now feel unhealthy.  But there is always tomorrow!!!  I just despise failure and today I feel like I failed.  But I will start tomorrow as a new day and put today far far away!  Except for the the movie and chat!  =)

Day 3 and visitors!!!

Wow, I suddenly better get my writing butt in gear.  I had 2 comments yesterday which means someone is reading my blog haha.  I have to learn to keep myself from going all over the place and actually make sense of what I am  writing. 

Last night was a bit frustrating. My goal was to walk or jog at the track when Hanna was playing soccer.  That did not happen successfully.  I had the stroller, I had the running shoes on, and I had a 5 yr old who would complaion and stop every 2 minutes.  She is attached to me by the hip most times so when I told her to sit in the grass and wait for me...she freaked out.  My husband did agree to stay home with the young ones next week so that I could do this by myself no distractions.  Yay for awesome husbands! 

Well, I did good yesterday on my eating.  My new goal is to try and not eat after 8:30.  That will be a challenge on soccer/cheer nights.  I am excited to be a little healthier. 

I would love to make realistic goals.  I always make these huge goals for weightloss and then do them for a week and give up.  I have finally admitted with 4 kids I will not have time to excersize everyday for 45 min.  Really, it will never happen.  I can barely get a shower in.  If I tell myself I have to lose all 24 1bs that I want to lose...I wont do it.  If I tell myself to just lose what you can, I will lose all 24 lbs.  I can not cut all sugar out of my diet right away...I simply am not a cold turkey kind of gal.  Oh yeah that reminds me, I started my 101 goals yesterday.  Have a few and I might post them in a couple days.  I am excited for that too.

I better get off here I have a movie to go to in a little while. Eat, Pray, Love.  I cant wait.  A date across country. 

Day 2 of 100

So, I am excited.  Most mornings I step on the scale and cringe...today I am the lowest weight I have been in about 7 mths!!!  Now I should tell you about yesterdays attempt at being healthier.  For starters in the last few weeks I have cut my portions back.  I chose snacks without sugar. I drank mostly water minus one cup of coffee.  But I do that most days.  I have been making sure to eat lots of fruits and am still working on incorporating more veggies.  I do eat about 1 serving a day.  I also took a part walk part jog last night!!!  Took me about 40 min. As a family we walked from cheer practice to the little convenience store...I got a water as a treat!  Then I jogged back by myself.  Some young kid even yelled out the window.  I would love to think it was  a cat call but it was more of a "I am gonna yell at the chick out the window to see if I freak her out" kind of yell. I have to be there for soccer practice tonight so I will jog and walk around the track.  With dinner tonight I am subbing tomato sauce for tomato soup out of the can.  I am using turkey meat instead of ground beef and it has lots of beans...yup, its chili!  I am really inspired by my lowest number on the scale.  Its so much encouragement.  Well, I do not have much more to say so, have a healthy day! =)

long time...

Whew, it's been a long time since I've written anything. Since no one reads my blog then its just fine. I am going to use my blog as sort of a journal to keep myself motivated. I recently started reading a different blog and the writer is doing a 100 days to healthy type gig. I decided to join. Everyday I will try and do something to keep me healthy or to further my healthiness. Yesterday was day 1 but I am thinking that today should be day 1 since I did nothing different yesterday. Okay, I did think about what to do for this challenge...haha. Today I will make sure to check labels and not eat anything with high fructose corn syrup, sugars, or any other not so good for me ingredient. I will chart my progress in a notebook I have. Progress being weightloss and how I feel. I hope to lesson my dependency on caffeine, eat more veggies, and excersize more. I will also be writing 101 goals for myself. I will probably post them as I go. So, off I go to mommyland. Have a sunshiny day! =)